T’s visitor…

…is doing more damage than good. T’s dad came down for spring break. T is so worried about upsetting his dad that he’s walking on egg shells in an attempt to keep his dad from having seizures. Apparently T believes that making his dad upset was the cause of his dad’s seizures. This is extremely bothersome to me. Yesterday I left them at the hotel that his dad is staying at. Not long after leaving them there T called me to tell me his dad was throwing up and he “didn’t do anything wrong” but he didn’t know how to help dad. I told him I would be right there, and not to worry. There was nothing he could do but stay out of dads way.

It’s apparent to me that dads reality is different from ours. He has convinced himself that T is only with us because they don’t have a house yet. I don’t care that they were living in a tent. We’ve lived in a tent…hell, I’ve lived in my car with my child. I didn’t go get T because of where they were living. I got him because of dads drug relapses, multiple attempted suicides, and unwillingness to put T’s needs ahead of his own selfish desires. If there is one thing I’ve learned as a parent, it’s that children are worth every sacrifice that we make for them.

Dad wanted to meet T’s therapist so we went while he was in town. Surprisingly dad approves, but didn’t feel he could be completely honest with the therapist in telling him what’s what in his life. Dad has made his opinions clear to T, so now T no longer is willing to discuss certain topics with the therapist or me or any other adult friend he has available to talk to, and he has even decided that because dad doesn’t like them that he no longer trusts the officer he used to ask to speak to. T no longer likes officers…because dad doesn’t like them.

All that being said, T did enjoy having fun with dad, and even commented to me that he’s noticing some good changes in his dad. He said he likes his new dad.

Update: The therapist told me that, in his opinion, T is better off here with us. This is because of dads reality, which is so scattered, and so far from our reality. The therapist also said that dads first topic of concern is finding out who molested his son. It was not “How is he doing?” But rather “Who did it so I can ‘deal’ with them?”