Better Days…

…are not only possible, but they are happening. I talked in a recent post about why T was sent home early from school, and since then I think we may have stumbled upon a routine to help him have better days at school. Every morning before we leave the house I ask him what kind of day he’s going to have today. He usually says “I’m going to have a great day!” Or “I’m going to have an awesome day!” Then, when I drop him off at school I will tell him to “have a great/awesome day today!” So I just remind him in a subtle way what kind of day he said he trying to have today. So far he has had a few great days, and no bad days. I hope it’s not a fluke and that we can keep this going. 

He’s asking about “baptisement” again, something he’s asked about before. When I asked why he said he wants to stop having bad thoughts. I explained to him that being baptized won’t stop him from having bad thoughts. He was so disappointed. I asked him about the bad thoughts, were they ones we’ve already talked about or are they new ones, is he able to not act on the bad thoughts, stuff like that. He said some of them are the same but some of them are new. He said he doesn’t feel like he needs to act on them, but if he does then he’ll come talk to me first. I suggested that he talk to (his therapist) about his bad thoughts during their next play date. He didn’t talk to him about it today, but (his therapist) says they will talk about them next week. 

T is trying so hard to be a good boy, and I know it is so hard for him to do. His dad called the other day and just can’t seem to talk to T without putting him down or trying to convince him to break the rules we’ve set for him. Dad wants to send him music, ICP to be exact. The music is full of fowl language and talks about things no 7 year old should be dealing with. Where his language and inappropriate behaviors have been an issue in the recent past, how could he possibly think that sending this stuff to T will help him behave better? Dad told him to have me explain what the song is talking about, and that he can listen to it in his room with headphones on. No, he can’t. Someone has had to start from scratch to help him fix his behaviors and since that person is me…no, I will not sit by and watch him take steps backwards when we have worked so hard to get some kind of forward momentum going. 

Dad was raised differently. Different rules. Different expectations. Dad, who is not happy with how he was raised, chooses to raise T the same way instead of changing it so T has a chance at a better childhood and a better life. Dad is supposed to be using this time that T is with us to get his life on track and get himself to a better place, emotionally, to take care of T. He’s on prescribed medication to help him get right, yet he’s still smoking “medicine” that is going to cause a drop in his happy hormones, so basically he is setting himself up for failure. I’m at a loss. Am I the only one who has a problem with this? Am I the only one who cares enough about T to protect him? The crazy thing is that he has a great mom, but she seems to not understand, and not see the devastating effect all this stuff is having on him. I feel like mom has been misled by dad, but I don’t know how to help with that, so I keep my mouth shut. If I can’t offer suggested solutions, then I can’t criticize. 

When we decided to take T in, we had no idea how damaged he was. I do not regret taking him in, in fact, I think it’s the best thing for him at this point. He is still such a good boy. We know his behaviors are things he had learned before we got him. I am excited about the good days he’s had, and I hope they continue. I hope he continues to build his relationship with (his therapist) so he has a trusted adult outside the home to talk to. It seems to be helping.

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